Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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