If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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