"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
