census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
