are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
