The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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