i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
