I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
