we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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