Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
