Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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