I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
