Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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