woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
