sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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