just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
