You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am available for nakedness
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
