I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
