He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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