You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
