I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
