'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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