Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
