well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
