I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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