I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
