You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
