My room smells like vodka and shame
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
