so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
