i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
