So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
