There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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