No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize