note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
