Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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