Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
