I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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