True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
