a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
