also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
