I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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