looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
