My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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