Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
