i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
