she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
