you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My vagina is officially offended.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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