I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
