they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
