Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
