Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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