So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
