"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize