I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
