Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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