so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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