it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
