No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
