dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
