You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
