I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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