It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
