is your mom at the bar?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
