All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
