Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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