Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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