with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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