had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
