went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
