Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
