The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
