im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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