good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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