I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He? As in you personified your dick?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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