no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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