I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
