Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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