So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
