His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
