I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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