I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
